I chose the
original script for the
Clash of the Titans film, released in April, 2010, because it was so bad it was funny. Parts of the script were alright, but some parts were just the stupidest things. The plot is essentially this: There is a war between humans and gods, and each side is angry at the other. At some point, Zeus goes and begets a child with a human queen, who is then cast into the ocean (with her child) by her jealous husband. Afterward, her husband rants about how angry he is at Zeus, and how he supports Zeus' rival (who is apparently an Assyrian Goddess of the sea by the name of Tiamat). Suddenly, he is mutated into the monster Kalibos, and thereupon kills his own steward. The script then skips to twenty-five years later, the gods have decided that they are going to give the humans a truce. This plan is a shock to Tiamat, who arrives with none other then Set (an
Egyptian god, thank you
very much) in tow. After berating the others for a while, the two of them start talking about plans to institute Tiamat on Zeus' throne. Meanwhile, in the city of Joppa in Argos. King Kepheus and his Queen Cassopiea are talking to their adviser (who is also apparently a mage) named Amoun (who is my favorite character), who is trying to advise them on how to handle a divine ambassador. The ambassador arrives, and it's
Thoth (
another Egyptian god). Thoth tells the king and queen that Zeus has a plan for his own son to marry the king's princess. Kepheus is at first shocked, but after the god bends the floor and some of the furniture, things are settled. Still, they berate the half-god until Amoun speaks up to say that the boy actually exists, Amoun himself was the boy's tutor. When they tell the princess (Andromeda) of it, however, she announces she would rather kill herself (maybe because they dragged her away from, er,
fondling the serving boy) and stomps off. In another part of the world, a forlorn earth goddess shows up to take Perseus to Joppa, and ends up forcing him. They arrive in Bascilica, were Kepheus lectures Perseus about Andromeda (he seems to not know she's not exactly a virgin). Then it turns out that the Princess is mising, and they insist on Perseus going to find her. He does this with astonishing speed, but then they wander off, decide that they're not going to get married, but then 'make love' anyway (why, I haven't the slightest idea). Then they come back for the official announcement, and Cassopiea goes a little overboard and compares Andromeda to Tiamat, who promptly appears and curses the city that the kraken will destroy it in thirty days unless they sacrifice the Princess to her. Havoc promptly breaks loose, and after all the king's advisors shout at each other for awhile, Amoun convinces Perseus to volunteer to try and find the kraken's weak point. They thus set out, a group of thirteen (unlucky number, no wonder so many die horribly). From then forth, most of the expedition is pretty much doomed. They reach the Norn Sisters (who apparently owe Amoun a favor because he was the one who made their eye for them. This man's awesomeness is increasing dramatically) and they tell him he has to use the head of Medusa. After an oddly changed version of the myth of Medusa (since when did Set and Tiamat replace Poseidon and Athena?), they get to her temple, which is in the underworld for some inconceivable reason. Perseus and some friends go in and fight Medusa. Meanwhile, Amoun and the others end up engaging the two centurion guards outside (Amoun turns sand into darts at one point. I really love this guy) and more people die. On the way back, the earth goddess finds the place where her temple used to be. Perseus follows her and, nad since they have apparently fallen in love, and they, well, 'spend the night together'. In the morning, Perseus wakes to find Amoun standing over him. Amoun berates them both, but is then interrupted by the arrival of Set, who promptly kills Amoun (in a rather grisly fashion, might I add), and then turns on the earth goddess. Perseus tries to save her, but is paralyzed until he accepts his birthright. He then defeats Set (thus felling both of my favorite characters in one scene). After a
far to brief moment of grief for Amoun, Perseus dramatically retrieves his sword (do they even bury the poor mage? I mean,
honestly Perseus! He indirectly
died for you!). Meanwhile, back at the ranch (I mean Joppa), a group of revolutionaries has decided to sacrifice the princess to Tiamat by chaining her to a rock for the kraken to eat (honestly, people. Couldn't you have just lopped her head off?). Of course, Perseus arrives just in the nick of time and saves her. Afterward, he goes and talks to Zeus, then declares he is going to go look for the earth goddess, who vanished during the journey, and rides a pegasus off into the sunset.
I think the best characters were Amoun, Draco, and Set (though he didn't belong). Amoun was outright the best thing about the script, so of course he died horribly (I still want to know what they did with his remains. And I think Perseus could have shown a bit more emotion for him instead of obsessing over the earth goddess). Not only was he a mage, but it seemed to be implied that he was a bit more then human. After all, he made the Norn Sisters their eye, and he knows a lot more then it seems he lets on. Draco was simply a decent, honorable, steadfast soldier (who I believe dies heroically in the final release). He's perfectly willing to try and smack sense into Perseus's dense, impulsively noble skull. Set was fairly well written, and it is insinuated that he is not doing this because he believes in it, but because he owes Tiamat some sort of boon (or maybe she's just threatening him). I think Perseus kills Set without giving him a real chance to explain, but maybe that was almost the point. I found Perseus obnoxious most of the time, but he had a few good points (but, really, man, just pick one girl, and sleep with her. There are far too many naked girls in this script). The earth goddess was alright, though I really don't need to hear about her getting swept off her feet by Perseus (she, at least had the decency to say something over poor Amoun's majorly under-appriciated death). Most of the other men died a bit too quickly for me to get to know them, save Spyros, Perseus's adoptive father (who I think also dies in the final release, but survives in this script). He seems to be forthright and honest, and far more sensible then his bone-headed son. The script mentions transitions such as dissolving, and camera movements, such as the 'WE ZOOM UP' line in an early scene, and directions as to what the camera can see. All in all, I found most of the script very disappointing (especially the part where they kill both my favorites in one scene).
